A happy retirement is an active one!

«I've got everything I need to be happy: a spouse, a family, money, hobbies, travel opportunities and I'm in good health. And yet, I haven't felt at ease since I retired. I'm restless and I feel useless. Growing old now frightens me.»

As a recent retiree, Marc isn't the only one who feels apprehensive. He's taken care of the administrative and financial aspects of retirement, now he needs to find a balance between the other spheres of life.

After a bit of down time or doing an assortment of activities, which life transition specialists call the "neutral zone", retirees often feel, as Marc does, a need to reorganize their lives to enjoy every moment to the fullest.

Contrary to what many working people believe (and often idealize), leisure activities aren't enough to ensure happiness in retirement, give life meaning, feel satisfied in life or meet the needs that working filled, such as feeling a sense of worth and belonging, stimulating challenges, status and self-esteem linked to skills.

Denis and Diane articulated this very sentiment to me recently; they don't enjoy certain activities as much as they did before, like playing golf all summer and going south for a few weeks in the winter. They feel lucky, but a little disconnected from reality. As former teachers, they decided to volunteer with students with special needs, as well as with seniors in need of support and care.

Stay active to feel happy and fulfilled

I just received an email from Marie who is about to retire. "I'm distraught. What am I going to do with the rest of my life," she asks me? "What will happen as I age? Will I lose my independence? Will my relationship survive? Why do I miss certain aspects of my job so much when I was looking so forward to retiring?" 

I suggest that she reflect on what gives her life the most meaning and to take stock of the activities that she currently enjoys.

Meaning is the driving force that motivates us to act and is reflected in our actions, our activities and projects. There is personal meaning, which results in pleasure and allows you to feel at peace with yourself, and by extension, with others. Then, there is spiritual meaning, which is developed by helping others, by working and so on. The goal is to reconcile both of these life forces.

Learning, creating and working

Françoise just enrolled herself in a training program in a new field: starting a small business. She tells me that she wants to use her talents as an artist and seamstress to become a fashion designer.

When we learn and create, we develop new neural pathways, we improve our mental dexterity, and we are able to find solutions to our problems more quickly and more easily, while also learning to adapt to change more effectively.

Just like Françoise, many new retirees will choose to continue working, not only so they can accomplish goals, have an influence on the outside world and interact with other people, but also to meet certain material needs or just simply out of a fear of feeling empty.

Be altruistic

At over 70 years old, Alain travelled to Haiti for a mission related to tourism development. There, he shares his skills and his professional knowledge of administration and communication with others. By distancing himself in this way, he can take a step back from the materialistic values that overwhelm us all. It is this pragmatism that often prevents us from working toward understanding the meaning of life that, in essence, keeps us alive. This detachment from our past and reflection on what lies ahead lends itself to new and deeper meaning in life (an active life). It also explains why many new retirees leave for several months to walk the Way of St. James in search of a truer purpose.

In order to persevere in active undertakings like volunteering, our choices must reflect our own needs, values, experiences and skills. Only then can we give ourselves wholeheartedly to those we seek to help. Whether it's children, seniors, the arts, sports, the environment, politics or international aid, the world is your oyster! All you have to do is identify what it is you would like to share with others or learn yourself.

If you like, you can visit the Réseau de l'action bénévole du Québec (RABQ) website where you will find plenty of information about volunteering (why, how, etc.). Another option is to visit your local community centre and offer your assistance there.

Some final suggestions

At the beginning of retirement, we suggest that you take time to rest and relieve the stress affiliated with working, all the while exploring the many activities that you can now set your sights on. Set aside time to take stock of your life to guide your journey.

Make sure that you leave yourself some free time in your retirement "schedule" for spontaneity. Don’t throw yourself into any and everything because you’re scared of feeling meaningless.

Ask yourself what new and exciting things await you in life and take control. You’re the only one in charge now, for better and for worse.

Enjoy your retirement!

About the author

Marie-Paule Dessaint holds a doctorate in education. She is a lecturer, biographer and author of 15 books on aging well, retirement, memory, sleep, mid-life crisis and life stories. To visit her website: mariepauledessaint.com